House husbands - The next big thing?

By: ZOOM

Take a tour at any institution of higher learning around the country.

Is it a fragment of imagination that female students outnumber the male?

A study by Professor Dr  Aminah Ahmad from University Putra Malaysia found that more women are pursuing higher education than men.

	Men	Women
1990	54.3%	45.7%
2007	38.3%	61.7%

Malaysia's Public Universities Enrolling Rate

The number of women enrolled in public universities have increased drastically since 1990.

In contrast, figures show that fewer men are furthering their studies.

The gender imbalance in universities translates to more women taking up white-collar positions in the work force, relegating the men to the less-esteemed manual labor jobs.

Women empowered the workforce

U.S. News also reported that people today view women in the workforce differently.

In 1960’s, women were considered indecent, inefficient and materialistic if she were more involved in her job than in taking care of her family.

Fast forward to the 21st century, the tide is beginning to change- house husbands are becoming more common.

Women feel the need to take charge and control of their lives in all aspects.

The abominable idea in decades past is fading- some men now prefer to stay home to manage the house while their wives go out to work.

“I don’t know why, but I like this ‘house husband’ word for no reason,” grinned Lee Xin Yang, 22, a chef at Mandarin Oriental, Kuala Lumpur.

“Working outside is too main-stream for a man.

“I would rather stay at home and work as a house husband if the earnings of my future wife could cover our life expenses,” he continued.

House husband in action

Simon Seah, 23, a sale executive agrees with the househusband idea.

“I feel shy to say this but frankly, I do not really mind to become a full time house husband if my wife is rich enough to support the family,” he confessed.

In this case, do men feel emasculated depending on their wives’ income rather than providing for the household?

Ooi Kok Hong, 29, a property agent said, “I don’t really care about what others say about me because in the end I am the person who lives this life, not them.”

Anthropologist, Sujitra Sockanathan says about on this phenomenon:

“Equality is here.

“Don’t ever think you could lose respect from your partner.”

According to her, there are jobs that allow men to work from home.

“If men do this, then, they are contributing equally - handling house-hold matter and also working for an external organization,” she concluded.

Some men end up doing lower-paying jobs simply because they feel that they are ill-equipped to further their studies.

Physical energy exhausted everyday

“My English so bad that I cannot even speak fluently.

“Thus, I decided not to pursue my studies because I know I will never survive in college,” said Low Zee Kong, a 23-year-old mechanic.

“Learning skills that can make a living is more practical for me,” said Chong Kok Lung, 26, air-conditioner service man.

Low further commented about the prospect of his future wife having a higher salary.

“To me, love is more important than prestige.

“As long as we both are happy and contented, who cares what the society says about us.”

Chin Kok Hong, 25, an electrical technician would gladly switch from working full time to part time to take care of his kids if his wife is able and willing to be the financial backbone of the family.

Rather spend more time with family than working long hours for little pay- Chin.

Along a similar vein, 43-year-old Zulqarnain Ishak is contented with his life as a “stay-at-home” dad.

“I contribute a lot for my family; both my wife and I are the breadwinners, not just me or her,” he said.

Just as women are able to juggle a demanding career and take care of the kids, Zulqarnain proves that men are just as capable in this respect.

“During the day, I send my children to school, while family members help out with the house chores, not just my wife.” 

Ooi added that if his wife is determined to pursue her professional career, while he is fine with doing the house chores.  

In his opinion, the social norms have restricted the people’s behavior.

“People tend to disagree with ideas that are different and therefore seem abnormal,” he said.

On the other hand, in keeping with tradition, some still have difficulty embracing the idea of househusbands.

Siti Rahimah, an outlet manager of a boutique for pregnant women thinks that men’s duty is to make sure that there will be food on the table and a roof over a family head.

“Having a wife who is making better money than you, being less qualified or even being born with a silver spoon is not an excuse for you, gentlemen, to be a house husband,” she firmly said.

Absolutely no excuse for being a house husband - Siti Rahimah

Nadia, a Master’s graduate in environmental studies said, “Man must earn their respect from their wife and children by being the leader and fulfill your responsibilities towards us.”

She quickly continued, “But I do adore a man who provides a helping hand in daily house chores.”

The 26-year-old lass deliberated that having a househusband does not reflect one as a successful woman.

“According to Islam, men must be responsible for taking care of his family.”

“Men should be men,” said Melissa, a human resource executive in Perfect Eagle Development.

“Living in this modern era does not indicate that a man should be ‘enrolled’ as a female; prove to us that we can count on you to keep us alive, not only by your love but also by your ability to fulfill your duty to take care of us, not the other way around.”

As an admitted workaholic, she added that women have their own desire.

She agreed to help her husband lighten the burden of earning a living, but she also remains all the rights not do so too.

“Even a daughter of Donald Trump should not take over her husband’s role and let her husband stay at home and be the wife,” she declares.

Men and women should be equal - Melissa

Still, there are the less conventional who are more receptive to this new trend.

“A woman who is career-minded would need a supportive house-hold,” said Hazirah, 25, a fashion designer and a make-up artist.

“I don’t see a problem with having a house husband,” said Nazrila Shaherah, 21 who considers that a househusband will lessen her burden.

“It helps me focus on my job and career,” she said.

Wan Syazlin, 23, thinks the idea of being married to a house husband is cute, as she sees nothing wrong with women being the breadwinner and for husbands to be the homemaker.

“I would like to see myself having a stable job and have a husband who will stay at home, cook and take care of the kids.

“It would make me feel in control and in power to be the one generating income and to wear the pants in the relationship - I would have the final say,” she remarked.

House husband - women's dream

Despite some frowning upon the idea of the men staying at home while their wives go out to make ends meet, Shankar Thiruchelvam of Valley Psychological Services commented that such an arrangement is not entirely detrimental.

“A husband taking care of the house while the lady works will definitely have an effect on the children.

“Is it good or bad? Neither. I think it’s just different,” he said.

Meanwhile, as a mother of two kids, anthropologist Sujitra says the ideal situation for upbringing of children is having both parents spend abundant time with the kids.

“Even in the strongest of marriages, resentment can arise if a couple does not divide the chores and responsibilities well.

“Both parties need to make this decision together, otherwise, it could easily backfire,” she pointed out.

Both parents involve equally in children upbringing - the ideal situation

Chin Yee, a counselor at University Putra Malaysia echoes the idea by emphasizing that the responsibility of nurturing children should not be carried by the mother alone- but to be equally shared by husband and wife.

According to Shankar, the blurring of the lines toward gender equality is not new – it has been around since the Industrial Revolution.

“Women nowadays can take up positions previously held by men especially as jobs are less labor-intensive and are instead based on knowledge.

“We are on the way to achieving gender equality – but as with all transitions, change is hard to accept,” he remarked.

The problem, he says, lies not in the changing trend itself but rather in how people perceive it, both in the workplace and the family.

“If the man feels inferior because of his low-paying job compared to his wife, then he needs to take responsibility of the situation and do something that can increase his employability and income.

“Once we break our strongly-held gender stereotypes, we will see that it is not a problem.”