House husbands - The next big thing?

By: ZOOM

Take a tour at any institution of higher learning around the country.

Is it a fragment of imagination that female students outnumber the male?

A study by Professor Dr  Aminah Ahmad from University Putra Malaysia found that more women are pursuing higher education than men.

	Men	Women
1990	54.3%	45.7%
2007	38.3%	61.7%

Malaysia's Public Universities Enrolling Rate

The number of women enrolled in public universities have increased drastically since 1990.

In contrast, figures show that fewer men are furthering their studies.

The gender imbalance in universities translates to more women taking up white-collar positions in the work force, relegating the men to the less-esteemed manual labor jobs.

Women empowered the workforce

U.S. News also reported that people today view women in the workforce differently.

In 1960’s, women were considered indecent, inefficient and materialistic if she were more involved in her job than in taking care of her family.

Fast forward to the 21st century, the tide is beginning to change- house husbands are becoming more common.

Women feel the need to take charge and control of their lives in all aspects.

The abominable idea in decades past is fading- some men now prefer to stay home to manage the house while their wives go out to work.

“I don’t know why, but I like this ‘house husband’ word for no reason,” grinned Lee Xin Yang, 22, a chef at Mandarin Oriental, Kuala Lumpur.

“Working outside is too main-stream for a man.

“I would rather stay at home and work as a house husband if the earnings of my future wife could cover our life expenses,” he continued.

House husband in action

Simon Seah, 23, a sale executive agrees with the househusband idea.

“I feel shy to say this but frankly, I do not really mind to become a full time house husband if my wife is rich enough to support the family,” he confessed.

In this case, do men feel emasculated depending on their wives’ income rather than providing for the household?

Ooi Kok Hong, 29, a property agent said, “I don’t really care about what others say about me because in the end I am the person who lives this life, not them.”

Anthropologist, Sujitra Sockanathan says about on this phenomenon:

“Equality is here.

“Don’t ever think you could lose respect from your partner.”

According to her, there are jobs that allow men to work from home.

“If men do this, then, they are contributing equally - handling house-hold matter and also working for an external organization,” she concluded.

Some men end up doing lower-paying jobs simply because they feel that they are ill-equipped to further their studies.

Physical energy exhausted everyday

“My English so bad that I cannot even speak fluently.

“Thus, I decided not to pursue my studies because I know I will never survive in college,” said Low Zee Kong, a 23-year-old mechanic.

“Learning skills that can make a living is more practical for me,” said Chong Kok Lung, 26, air-conditioner service man.

Low further commented about the prospect of his future wife having a higher salary.

“To me, love is more important than prestige.

“As long as we both are happy and contented, who cares what the society says about us.”

Chin Kok Hong, 25, an electrical technician would gladly switch from working full time to part time to take care of his kids if his wife is able and willing to be the financial backbone of the family.

Rather spend more time with family than working long hours for little pay- Chin.

Along a similar vein, 43-year-old Zulqarnain Ishak is contented with his life as a “stay-at-home” dad.

“I contribute a lot for my family; both my wife and I are the breadwinners, not just me or her,” he said.

Just as women are able to juggle a demanding career and take care of the kids, Zulqarnain proves that men are just as capable in this respect.

“During the day, I send my children to school, while family members help out with the house chores, not just my wife.” 

Ooi added that if his wife is determined to pursue her professional career, while he is fine with doing the house chores.  

In his opinion, the social norms have restricted the people’s behavior.

“People tend to disagree with ideas that are different and therefore seem abnormal,” he said.

On the other hand, in keeping with tradition, some still have difficulty embracing the idea of househusbands.

Siti Rahimah, an outlet manager of a boutique for pregnant women thinks that men’s duty is to make sure that there will be food on the table and a roof over a family head.

“Having a wife who is making better money than you, being less qualified or even being born with a silver spoon is not an excuse for you, gentlemen, to be a house husband,” she firmly said.

Absolutely no excuse for being a house husband - Siti Rahimah

Nadia, a Master’s graduate in environmental studies said, “Man must earn their respect from their wife and children by being the leader and fulfill your responsibilities towards us.”

She quickly continued, “But I do adore a man who provides a helping hand in daily house chores.”

The 26-year-old lass deliberated that having a househusband does not reflect one as a successful woman.

“According to Islam, men must be responsible for taking care of his family.”

“Men should be men,” said Melissa, a human resource executive in Perfect Eagle Development.

“Living in this modern era does not indicate that a man should be ‘enrolled’ as a female; prove to us that we can count on you to keep us alive, not only by your love but also by your ability to fulfill your duty to take care of us, not the other way around.”

As an admitted workaholic, she added that women have their own desire.

She agreed to help her husband lighten the burden of earning a living, but she also remains all the rights not do so too.

“Even a daughter of Donald Trump should not take over her husband’s role and let her husband stay at home and be the wife,” she declares.

Men and women should be equal - Melissa

Still, there are the less conventional who are more receptive to this new trend.

“A woman who is career-minded would need a supportive house-hold,” said Hazirah, 25, a fashion designer and a make-up artist.

“I don’t see a problem with having a house husband,” said Nazrila Shaherah, 21 who considers that a househusband will lessen her burden.

“It helps me focus on my job and career,” she said.

Wan Syazlin, 23, thinks the idea of being married to a house husband is cute, as she sees nothing wrong with women being the breadwinner and for husbands to be the homemaker.

“I would like to see myself having a stable job and have a husband who will stay at home, cook and take care of the kids.

“It would make me feel in control and in power to be the one generating income and to wear the pants in the relationship - I would have the final say,” she remarked.

House husband - women's dream

Despite some frowning upon the idea of the men staying at home while their wives go out to make ends meet, Shankar Thiruchelvam of Valley Psychological Services commented that such an arrangement is not entirely detrimental.

“A husband taking care of the house while the lady works will definitely have an effect on the children.

“Is it good or bad? Neither. I think it’s just different,” he said.

Meanwhile, as a mother of two kids, anthropologist Sujitra says the ideal situation for upbringing of children is having both parents spend abundant time with the kids.

“Even in the strongest of marriages, resentment can arise if a couple does not divide the chores and responsibilities well.

“Both parties need to make this decision together, otherwise, it could easily backfire,” she pointed out.

Both parents involve equally in children upbringing - the ideal situation

Chin Yee, a counselor at University Putra Malaysia echoes the idea by emphasizing that the responsibility of nurturing children should not be carried by the mother alone- but to be equally shared by husband and wife.

According to Shankar, the blurring of the lines toward gender equality is not new – it has been around since the Industrial Revolution.

“Women nowadays can take up positions previously held by men especially as jobs are less labor-intensive and are instead based on knowledge.

“We are on the way to achieving gender equality – but as with all transitions, change is hard to accept,” he remarked.

The problem, he says, lies not in the changing trend itself but rather in how people perceive it, both in the workplace and the family.

“If the man feels inferior because of his low-paying job compared to his wife, then he needs to take responsibility of the situation and do something that can increase his employability and income.

“Once we break our strongly-held gender stereotypes, we will see that it is not a problem.”

Angela’s secrets of teaching

By: Daniel Yeap

Sporting a jovial face and bounce in her step, Angela Teo from the Language Center at SEGi University is a bomb with her students.

Teaching English to foundation and diploma students, this young instructor exudes energy in and out of class.

“I tell jokes in every class, and yes I am this bubbly during lessons as well!” she says as she tries to get past her colleague to her cubicle.

“Come on, move aside. You know I’m that fat!” she exclaimed to the amusement of all in the room.

Her playfulness with her colleagues does not fade when dealing with students.

Angela says she laughs a lot and makes others laugh too.

“I like to see myself as a stand-up comedian in class.

“Actually sitting down is also okay,” she says before breaking into laughter again.

Jokes abound in her classes, especially at the start of each session.

“I either tell jokes that I know or share funny stories from my own life to get my students to get my students’ attention and start them off in a good mood.

“You have to be cheerful and upbeat if you want to teach effectively.”

Teaching is my dream - Angela Teo.

Teaching had always been her dream, which her parents supported.

Her mother was a teacher too, and her father wanted all his three daughters to become teachers, although the other two eventually pursued their own career interests.

Her passion for teaching and her love for the English language led Angela to take up the instruction of English.

“Teaching is a very rewarding job.

“You are not dealing with objects or processes. 

“You are dealing with human beings, which makes every day interesting.

“You have the opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives.”

Recalling her first teaching experience, Angela tells of two Saudi Arabian boys who were entrusted to her.

“They came from a well-to-do family and as such had no need to learn anything.

“But their father wanted them to learn English, so he sent them to the language center that I was attached to at that time.

“We only had them for about a year, and my, that was a very challenging year for me.

“You see, I took the TESOL course, which equipped me to teach people whose second language was English; meaning they had some knowledge of English but did not it as their primary language, like most Malaysians.

“For these boys, English was not their second language; it wasn’t even on the list of languages they knew!

“We had to start from scratch.

“We were using sign language to communicate most of the time!”

Angela continues, “The boys only knew a handful of words.

“Whenever they needed to use the washroom, they would say “Teacher, toilet.”

“And I would tell them, “No, it’s Teacher Angela, not Teacher Toilet!”

“Every day when I went back I would question my decision to venture into the teaching profession.

“At times I was so distraught that I was reduced to tears!”

After 3 months, the only English words the boys could say were the numbers from one two ten, the five primary colors, and three fruits: apple, banana and orange.

“I would take them down to the supermarket to put an apple in the boys’ hands and name it for them.

“Later when I asked them what the fruit was, they’d say ‘orange’.”

By the time it was time for them to leave the country a year later, one of the boys could speak in 3 three complete sentences: “My name is Abdul. I am 12 years old. I am from Saudi Arabia.”

“That was my greatest achievement up till today, and also my greatest challenge,” Angela says with pride.

She cautions that not all interactions with students will become a success story, but when it did “you will never regret investing into their lives.”

“Seeing students become better people as a result of your input makes you remember why you chose this profession and keeps you going.

Teaching is investing in one's life.

Angela draws inspiration and guidance from her own experiences as a student and from her parents.

“I remember when I was in primary school.

“I was in a Chinese type school where we were given more work than appropriate for a seven-year-old.

“Teachers there were fiercer than tigers; it was a very authoritarian type of treatment that we received.

“The teachers used harsh punishment to get students’ compliance.

“I remember I used to be caned every day.

“We go to school not because of our desire to learn but rather out of fear.

“Skip one day of school, and there will be a harsh penalty awaiting you the next time you step into school.

“I hated it, and it caused me to hate the language (Mandarin) too.”

Determined not to put her students through the same thing, Angela strives to be, as she puts it, ‘fun, loud and noisy’ with her students and encourages the same from them.

“Often they are so reluctant to speak English in front of the class.

“I need to encourage them to speak more so they become more fluent, and the only way to do so is to make it enjoyable for them.

“I make them go up to strangers in the college cafeteria and introduce themselves, which they all have come to like.

“When you see things as fun, you remember it better,” she says.

Angela hasn’t always been loud and bubbly, however.

“I used to be very shy and withdrawn.

“I was lucky to have good parents who gave me the exposure I needed.

“My father worked as a postman, so I spent large amounts of my time at the post office.

“Because I was so withdrawn, I spent that time watching people.

“I watched how they walked, talked and reacted to each other.

“On other occasions, I followed my mother to the secondary school where she worked.

“There I interacted frequently with my mother’s students.

“When I was older, I had to come down to Kuala Lumpur from Sarawak to attend college.

“I traveled here by myself so I had to take care of myself.

“I realized that in order to survive, I needed to be more outspoken.

“It was through these that I picked up social skills and learnt how to get along with people.”

Today she is the gregarious instructor who helps students as withdrawn as she was to become more confident and socially competent individuals, albeit an improved command of English.

“I’ve found that I can do anything that I want so long as I put my heart to it,” she declares.

And what does she want to do next?

“I want to relearn Mandarin,” she promptly says.

“Its complexity makes it difficult to learn, and I hated it because of what I went through in primary school.

“But it’s becoming increasingly important to know the language so I want to give it another try in the near future.”

Photograph by: Farah Nabilah

Salmaliza best Engineering Faculty lecturer made of steel

By: Daniel Yeap

Her method is simple: correction must be done indirectly but creatively, so that reprimand is directed at the behavior and not the person.

Footsteps filled the corridor as she hurried to her destination.

Glancing at the sheet of paper in her hands, she took a breath and pushed open the door.

A group of young men looked up, froze, and then …

“Welcome back Miss! Where have you been? We miss you!”

Salmaliza Salleh, 35 had been away for 3 weeks during which she underwent surgery of her eyes. 

Salmaliza: All smiles all day

She teaches Civil Engineering at SEGi University, a private university in the suburbs of Kota Damansara.

Her students’ warm welcome and their queries about her post-surgery condition is no surprise since Salmaliza had been voted Favorite Lecturer by engineering students at the university.

Wide-eyed and ever ready to break into a smile, this cheerful instructor admits she enjoys being around her students and interacting with them in class.

“When I’m at home I feel stressed and uncomfortable. The moment I step on campus, all my cares just evaporate into thin air!” she says.

Salmaliza says she has surprisingly few, if any, problems with her students.

“I always have a full class, which presents a challenge for me because of their incessant chatter!”

Although her students faithfully show up for classes, Salmaliza has other things to grapple with such as maintaining order in class, getting her students to listen when she speaks and giving reprimand when they don’t behave.

With her own unique style of dealing with students, she seems to handle their idiosyncrasies seamlessly; they do not fight back, instead they obediently do as she asks.

Her method is simple: correction must be done indirectly but creatively, so that reprimand is directed at the behavior and not the person.

Salmaliza recalls one of her classes where one student had been missing for two classes in a row.

When she asked the other students about his absence, they replied they hadn’t a clue.

“I told the class that because of that, they will get an impromptu quiz on that day.

From then onwards, every time someone is absent, there will be at least one from the class who will inform me about the reason of his absence,” she chuckled.

“They are in a class together, and I want them to learn to care for each other,” she said.

No doubt there will always be the bad apples – students who challenge their instructors and are playful in class. How does she handle them?

“If the student uses a joke to poke fun at me, I sometimes make another joke to poke back at him.

“After that he will back down and become quiet.”

Laugh and learn: the best way to study

Unconventional as they are, her methods appear to be highly effective.

“I owe it to my parenting experience at home,” says the mother of three.

All three of her children have different personalities, she says, which calls for different parenting approaches.

Her eldest son, Irfan, 7 is the most obedient of the lot. When reprimanded he would go silent, hand his head and obediently do as he is told.

Her 5-year-old daughter is the direct opposite.

“She is the rebel.

“If I shout at her, she will shout back at me five times louder!

“With her I have to gently tell her that what she did was wrong and what she should have done.

“For the youngest one, screaming at him is the only thing that will work!”

At most times, however, Salmaliza is strict but gentle with her children.

“My husband says I should scold them more,” she laughs.

The same maternal care is brought to the classroom, where she treats her students like her own children.

She goes on to explain that she wants her students, especially those who are far from their homeland to feel cared for and comfortable. Only then will they enjoy the subject matter and do well academically.

“I teach students as individuals, not as a group.

“Not everyone can get strings of A’s.

“It’s about feeling appreciated and giving them the confidence to strive ahead.”

Explanation through demonstration

Despite playing a motherly role in class, she has a clear separation between teaching and her personal life.

Weekdays are mainly taken up by work, leaving only night time when she ensures her children complete their homework.

Weekends are reserved for family, when she and her husband will take the children out to watch movies or just for a stroll in the park.

This time is important to her since she does not get to spend much time with her children and husband during the week, although her husband is also an Engineering graduate.

The two met when they were in university.

At that time Salmaliza had finished her Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) examinations with a miserable two A’s.

Her kuih-selling mother went knocking on the doors of various institutions of higher learning to beg for a place for her daughter.

At one particular university, the administrator attending to them blatantly told Salmaliza’s mother that she was degrading herself by doing this given her daughter’s poor results.

This caused zeal to arise within Salmaliza, who was determined to buck up and prove herself worthy.

“I told the administrator that I would work hard to improve my standing and get a job at the same university with a higher salary than her.

“I wanted to prove her wrong!”

So after retaking her SPM and passing with flying colors, she applied to the same university, which offered her a place in the male-dominated Engineering field, graduated and got a job there.

“One day I went to look for the administrator and asked if she remembered me.

“I said ‘Do you remember what you told an old lady a few years ago?’

“And I told her that “here I am, working here and I have a higher salary than you!”

“Then I quit and went on to do my Master’s.”

It was there while she was pursuing her engineering degree that she met the man who would later become her beloved husband.

“We got married three days before our convocation,” she said gleefully.

 Her experiences through thick and thin has made her who she is today – a dedicated instructor who loves being around people and enjoys investing into their lives.

Getting along well and being liked by people does not mean she is free from any idiosyncrasies: she has an aversion to furry animals.

“Cats, hamsters, anything with fur gives me the creeps,” she says.

“Even seeing them on television or in print makes me feel ticklish.

“I have no problem with reptiles though.

“I love snakes! I caught one in my house the other day because I’ve seen how they do it on National Geographic.

“I would love to take a photo with one around my neck!”

Wong Pei Yee turns up Nurses’ favorite lecturer

By: Rachel Chew

A gentle-looking lady with a tough personality and stoic determination from a humble family decides to take charge of her own fate and destiny.

Wong Pei Yee, 29, determined not to be despised by her skeptical relatives and society had chosen education as her route towards success.

“I believed that education would help change my fate and it is proven that it does,” she was pleased that her strength of mind made her who she is today.

Voted by students as their favorite lecturer in the nursing faculty of Segi University, Wong’s slogan is “work with my heart.”

Disbelieving the votes she received, she was definitely comforted that her students felt her sincerity in teaching and appreciated her effort in training them for a better future.

Interacting with students - fullest satisfaction and greatest pleasure.

“Things are different from the past,” she said.

Few years back, an occupation as a nurse is a secure rice bowl for many whose family condition does not allow them to further their studies in other fields.

Wong was one of them and she was lucky to receive a full scholarship in nursing offered by Tung Shin Hospital and a promised job position upon completion.

She knew that grabbing this opportunity was a stepping-stone to another mile-stone in her life and thus went for it without much hesitation.

At present, Wong pointed out that there is an influx of unemployed nurses in the country due to the many government and private hospitals who started internal nursing training.

“More than half of my students who graduated are unemployed,” she sighed.

Hospitals only recruit those who are really excellent, outspoken and outgoing. Wong deeply recognizes this state of affair and is concerned about the future of her students.

“That is why I have high expectations of my students because I want them to excel, to have a job, build their career and be successful in life,” she continued.

In the students’ eyes, Wong is an approachable, easy going, interactive and a very helpful lecturer.

However, there is one thing that she cannot tolerate which is students dozing off in class and neglecting their future.

“Regardless who they are, poor or rich, if they don’t help themselves, how am I supposed to help them?” she said.

She will tell these students off or even expel them from class until they admit their mistakes.

“It’s a pity for those who spend time and money coming to university but are not learning anything,” she said.

One person one vote.

Nevertheless, all the scolding, strictness, sternness, shouting and yelling in class does not mar the love and esteem her students have for her.

“She is our lecturer and also our friend,” said Muhammad Firdous, 21.

“She jokes and she scolds but she’s always there for us,” said Fadhilah, 21.

“We all know that she means well and we cherish that,” continued Nur Marissa, 21.

Apart from teaching with sincerity, Wong is determined to improve and enhance her teaching skills.

“I’m glad that I can improve myself through development courses provided by the university in order to adapt to the current educational transformation,” she said.

These training mainly equip educators with skills to encourage interactions and students participation in class activities.

However, not all educators can adapt and implement this new student-oriented teaching style fast enough.

“Learning and growing with them, I guess that’s what makes my students like me.”

Group study - enhancing interactions and the sharing of knowledge.

After completing her nursing course, Wong began her journey of a nurse in Tung Shin hospital Intensive Care Unit (ICU), a place where she learnt from mistakes and grew up expeditiously.

“The stress level of being a nurse and lecturer is a world of difference.

“As an ICU nurse, you deal with the fine line between life and death almost every minute and you may not even have time to go to the lavatory or eat,” she recalled.

“Every morning starting 7.45 am, we are in a perpetual state of war.”

Being young and impetuous, her eagerness to rescue one’s life had caused Wong to make a mistake that she could never forget.  

During a first aid treatment, she accidentally punctured a hole in the patient’s lungs due to being overly anxious in getting air supply to the heart.

Feeling horror and panic with the damaged done, she suffered from guilt and regret after the incident.

“I felt really bad to cause inconvenience, physical sufferings and monetary losses to the patient because the patient is burdened with extra medical fees to fix the hole I made and bear the cost of the unnecessary extended stay in ICU,” she said.

“However, my bosses, doctors and mentors comforted me that making mistakes are something you cannot avoid in life,” she recalled.

The intense working environment gives her little time to be guilty and her remorse was soon drowned away by heavy workload.

Nevertheless, since then, this experience had made her a calmer and more rationalized person.

“I pick up really a lot from my mentor, who was my principal during my practical days and my boss today,” she said.

Reaching a certain age, Wong has plans to build a family of her own.

“I realized that I need to balance my family and working time,” she said.

Currently pregnant, a lecturer’s job allows her to have stable working hours while fulfilling her passion in educating the next generation of nurses.

“I never regretted my choice.

“I could never able cope with the workload and amount of stress in the ICU with my pregnancy,” she said.

Contented and grateful with her current life, Wong yearns to be a better educator in the future.